thejazzobsessed

The night was ending, or so I thought. As I had for the past week, I walked her to her door, dispite the awkward moment I knew would ensue, considering my situation. I was head over heels for her, but most signs pointed to a lack of interest from her. Just a couple of days ago, I had made her cry three times talking about boy issues. Litte did she know that these boy issues were hitting very close to home for me.

Catching teardrops in my hand

There was just enough to keep me going, to keep believing. As we approached her door, Julian and Alex showed up. Alex saw what was happening and quickly knew to leave, but Julian decided to stick around for a while, dispite my silent objections. When she left the room for a minute, he asked me "You like her don't you." "Yea, I really do." "You and every other guy." "I doubt they all want her as I want her." "Maybe so"

Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstacy

She returned, and Julian left. It was just us. I had decided that if tonight was not the night, then I would leave her to her ways, remaining her friend, but feeling just a little empty.

Something has to make you run
I don't know why I didn't come
I feel as empty as a drum

Music is an instrument of destruction and passion. On this night, it was an instument of passion, a passion that instilled fear within the depths of my soul.

When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away

I put on Norah Jones, and we start dancing. She puts on her favorite song of the album "Don't Know Why." We began to dance again, this time closer than before. I really want to kiss her, so badly. I put my check close to hers, and pray that she wants the same thing. I kiss her, and she kisses me back.

I waited 'til I saw the sun

The night continued into morning, and every moment felt almost too right.

My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever

Why is it that loneliness only presents itself after you have experienced not being alone? I wonder, if someone was alone all their life, if they would really feel unfulfilled. Would that really be that sad a life, never to have been with someone, therefore never to feel alone? In my book, that would be the most fool proof happiness...unless that person actually met someone. Fuck, all I want is to love and be loved. It used to be so much easier, at least it seems. Maybe college has made me impatient. Maybe it has made me more needy. Maybe it has made me reevaluate my values. The only thing that is a constant here is that college has changed me, and despite what it seems, it was for the better...if only I could have someone...

My night began with getting off of work, popping my collar, donning the shades, and driving home to the sounds of Bill Evans and Cannonball Adderley. I walk in the house, and have to get right to work. My house is covered in my shit, and my sister has up to 15 people coming in from all over this weekend, and the place needs to be spotless. The basement is covered in DVDs and blankets from people sleeping down there, hiding from the world, hiding from reconnecting with a former home (yes, former). I finish cleaning with a few minutes to spare, so I put on that shirt that looks so good, and put on that little bit of cologne that I still had, and washed my face especially well, trying to look good, and in most ways succeeding. I get in the Volvo, realizing that it was a hit to the stud factor, but knew I had a full tank of gas, and a full tank of confidence (or so I thought). Driving makes me feel so alive, so grown up. Having complete control of such a large mass of machinery throws you for a power trip that is only bound to bring you right back down when you put it in park. I pull up to her house around 11, and I must proceed with caution. The fact that she is still in High School is driven home very quickly as I must tread lightly on this school night. I call her, and as soon as one ring sounds, I see her light go out and a stealthy figure slip down the stairs. She comes out, and I take a picture, trying to savor this moment. This is what I wanted right? I put on The Sermon and start driving, beginning a night of above age group conversation and plenty to talk about, something I find rare in women. We get to the movie theater in plenty of time, luckily tickets already in hand. We soon realize that tonight was the Wellesley Senior Prom, and proceed to run into over 2 dozen people we know, but we walk together with confidence, sure of our place. We quickly find our screen, eager to get a good seat. We start talking again, discussing everything from the effort it takes to get popcorn, to the classes we are taking next year. The movie seems to start in a heart beat, a testament to our chemistry. As the movie begins, I have a decision to make. Do I keep this simply friends? Do I maintain composure and keep it clean? The movie never lets up the intensity, with plot twists more common than Turck 2 dorm life. The intensity is hard to take. I have my arms crossed, but decide that I cannot just sit here, waiting for a younger woman to make the first move. I am fucking smooth when it comes to girls...what makes this so much different? I reach down and touch her hand, searching for a sense of life, of a similar longing. Contact....a pulse. She moves her thumb, feeling my hand, without fear. I take her hand, more sure of myself now. She rests her head on my shoulder, I feel giddy. Is this middle school? No, its what a first date should be like. The movie soon becomes too intense to bear, causing her head to break away from my shoulder, despite my silent protests. The movie ends in a flurry of predictable plot twists, and a sequel promising ending. We get up and leave, both a little bit hungry so we decide to get some McDonald's. Food in hand, I drive up to the tallest point in the area, overlooking the lights of the mall and the town. We eat our light snack, which at this point I thought was customary to pay for, and talk about more in depth topics. As I drive back, I desperately search for a pididle, hoping to remove an article of clothing off her body (strip pididle is our favorite game), but alas I fail, as we soon drive up to her quintessential Wellesley house. Usually when I drop her off, I don't even exit the car, but this time I knew I had to get out. I walk her to her door, as she struggles to open the door without much noise. She opens it and turn around without really looking at me. I step forward to hug her, and on my way, I kiss her cheek. Bam, I am in. "I had a real nice time tonight, thanks for this idea, I owe you one." We slowly exit the embrace, and look into each others' eyes for just a moment, then I lean in ever so slightly.....like any woman should, because it is so hot, she sees the sign and acts on her feelings, and kisses me. I take her lovely straightened hair into my hand and make sure I make this count. "Good luck on your test tomorrow." I slowly walk back to the car, a lightness to my step. I close my car door ever so quietly and turn on the car. Fittingly, I drove home to Flamingo (3rd track on The Sermon).